:(

How can someone ever make someone like them so much. My eyebags screams your name. Sucks to like someone so much that you thinking about them all day is not enough. You have to stay awake just to think of them too.

But you'll never know.

What Im going through now

is shit.

I cant stand it any longer. First, I had to deal with backstabbing, then, gossiping, then, cheating, then bullying, then, hypocrites, then, separation, then, distancing, then, death, then injustice, then, malign.

2011 is one of the worst years, I swear. Met the worst people, promised the wrong people, trusted the wrong people and even, left the right people.

And out of every months, I honor September as the WORST month, " Wake me up, when september ends " .

Malign, Injust, Assumptions, Backstabbing, Lying, Scapegoats...

Bitching, Gossiping, Hypocrites, Frontstabbing, Bullying, Newscasters, Trust issues..

Death, Separation, Unfilial..

Cheating, Distancing, Realizing, Heartaches, Strangers..

Insecure, Unworthy, Inflexible..

" And I'm going through hell,
thinking 'bout you with somebody else.."

Youre her perfect little girl man. If I were her, would you have left me on the road to cry? Liar, there's injust in this family.

Blogging in class

Hello blogger, I'm bored in history. It feels like I've already went through a few hours of it already but it's only 8.14.... Thirty minutes has passed. Sigh. So I don't know what to do now. It's damn boring in this class . Sigh alright let's just end this blog post now and continue later during Chinese or something.

OH YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED TO STAY BACK ALL THE WAY TIL 245 FOR SCIENCE REMEDIAL. Sian. And it only ends at about what 4. -_- sian

~ Continued

Oh, sorry. I didnt keep to the promise of blogging during Chinese. I was too busy playing my monopoly deal. Haha, I'm on my way home now. my hair is in a mess man, I swear. I can see strands of my hair all covering my face. But nevermind :D . It has been quite a long time since I last had my fringe down like this, AND not get caught. :) As I've tweeted this morning, I had a feeling that it would be a great day today. And it was!! Awesome or what? :) .

Oh, damn. I'm now on bus 854 towards my house and it's like traveling in lightning speed man. The usual 854 that I usually take, is normally slow paced and all. But, fast is good :). Allows me to reach home earlier !! :)

Can't wait to go home. I need to seriously start studying. Especially when my exams are like what, tomorrow? Damnit man. Sigh.

Alright, I'll go off now. bye!

Let's blog.

Helloooo, I'm feeling quite bored now and I'm gonna be sick soon. Exams are around the corner and this is the wrong time to be sick man. There is this mosquito which is in my room and my aunty Just sprayed insect repellant 12 times in my room or so. You can't imagine what kind of room I'm suffering in right now man. Not to forget, my windows are all fully shut and my door is closed. Totally no air ventilation, sigh. Nevermind. Both my aircon and fan is on, that's good right? :'-). NO . Thats worst, the air is diffusing. Or is it undergoing osmosis now? Don't recall if it's osmosis or diffusion. Haha!

I'm bloody sneezing my whole nose off now and my nose is pretty red. Sigh. It's not that it's smelly, but the scent tickles my nose.

I went shopping the whole day with momsie. We were at admiralty attending church first, then we went to woodlands, then Clarke quay, then vivo, then sengkang :) . My legs are aching. I don't wanna go to school :(

Anyway, I can't sleep now because my body clock is now fixed at 11.30, wtf. It's only 10.44 now, so I guess I have to stay up all the way. Need to reset my body clock man.

Sigh, it's Monday already, I really don't wanna go to school... I'm afraid of oral.. Sigh.. I'm gonna stress out this whole week because I need to start studying. Exams is in 2 bloody weeks, what the hell.

Alright, I'll go off now. Bye blogger.

PS, I'll try to update more often now, because I really need a place to vent all my rants. But I can't write it out because my handwriting is ATROCIOUS. Hahahaha, alright bye.

Atrocious day.

As if today could've been any worst. Honestly, everything was starting out fine today. I went to school, happy. Because it was a Friday. Then I got stared at with menacing eyes as I was walking in to school. After CCA, everything started to change. Everything started to fail.

First, I went back to class and I got back my results...

English - 70, A2
Chinese - 65, B3
Maths - 46, D7
Science - 58, C5
History - 83, A1
Literature - 60, B4
D & T - 63, B4
Art - 57, C5
HMT - 54, C6.

Average - 62%
L1B5 - 19
M.S.G - 4.1


Not happy at all. I don't know if I should be rejoicing with my results or what. I mean, I improved....... As compared to MYE. My math's now a D7, unlike my MYE which was F9 .

English - 65, B3
Chinese - 68, B3
HMT - 45, D7
Math - 38, F9
Science - 54, C6
Geography - 56, C5
Literature - 72, A2
Art - 68, B3
H.E. - 60, B4

Average - 58%
L1B5 - 22
MSG - 5.2

Honestly, I am happy in a sense that I did improve my math, and that really covers up my somehow, disappointment when I saw my literature marks. I improved my english though, which makes me happy because I'm now an 'A' student for english. And I passed my HMT, that's good.

But, now, now, Magdelyn, you shouldn't get so complacent now. Complacency kills. Do note that with such scores, you can't even get into any of the top three classes. What am I supposed to take, seriously. If I can't take " a - math " I can just die because I wouldn't have much of a future as what others have been telling me.

Not talking about just a math, but look, if I can't even get in to a bloody POA class, you can just kill me right now man. Why out of all my subjects, I must fail math.. Why can't I be failing like D&T or something. I'd really love to exchange my D&T marks with my math marks, seriously. Why must math be a core subject...

I am complacent and I love procrastinating, a combination towards failure.

-

Alright, so after my exam results were out, I went for chapel and I bloody slept. How bad in the house of God. So that was quite bad, then something happened, which I found out. Sigh.

-

So we all went home early today. And I came home to receive some bitchy attitudes so I got so pissed off, It has been a bloody long time I screamed with the top of my voice. Honestly, I was pissed off to the max today. A lot of things have been happening, and I can't even take a bloody break at home. I came home to sleep but I ended up in a fight. That was damn irritating so I was shouting and screaming and all... So I went back up to sleep.

-

Then, someone called me to tell me a very shocking news and I got a little bit more pissed off.

-

I'm THIS close to losing it already. Every single thing is not falling in to place today. Sigh, I need a breather, nothings going my way seriously. Ugh, nevermind. Bye blog, thanks for being my sole comfort. I didnt know how to tell anything I just said to anyone. But I guess I just told the whole wide world, hahahahahahaha, anyway okay bye .

A little update.

Hello, blog. I'm supposed to be doing my art but i'm actually blogging. Hahahaha, I just changed my skin. A little less me. Alright, short update. I'll go now. Bye

A little inspiration.

Too ugly.

Too tall.

Too short.

Too fat.

Too skinny.

Too many pimples.

Too stupid.

Too idiotic.

Too clumsy.

Too careless.

-

Not pretty enough.

Not tall enough.

Not thin enough.

Not smart enough.

Not rich enough.

-

Everyone has their own insecurities. Be it a pretty, thin girl, who's of a size 2. Or be it, an ugly fat girl, who's of a size 14 or 16. All these, are just a number. So what if you stand on a weighing scale and you see a 35 ? And so what if you stand on a weighing scale, and you see 75 ? All these, are just a number. So what if you check your height, and you see a 150?

So what if you're short, fat, ugly, pimpled, poor, stupid, careless..etc. The list goes on. Everyone has insecurities. So what if your sized aa30 ? And so what if you're sized d? Too small? People say that you're not developed. Too big? People say you're fake. Haters gonna hate, and you just have to be proud of you are.

You think the guy you like, dislikes you because of all these? You think it is because you're full of pimples, you're too fat, you're too short? Here's a wake up call, girls. Would you rather have a guy who loves you for your beauty, and can ONLY handle you at your best? Or would you rather have a guy who loves you even though you're fat, ugly, short, full of pimples, poor, stupid, careless, clumsy?

Girls, snap out of it. A guy who, claims to love you, when you're pretty is just plain dumb. He cant tell the difference between lust and love. Nothing is sexier than a girl who has confidence.

Especially, in herself.

You girls, have to stop wishing for beauty, lesser pimples, to be thinner, to be taller and whatsoever. Girls, you are all much more capable than that.

I know, I do wish for such. And I do have my own insecurities. But that is because, I also wanna improve myself. Who doesn't want to be that girl who is chased by every guy, and who is the girl everyone wants to be?

I'm magdelyn. I'm 163 centimeters tall. I'm size 8. Yes, thats fat. But who cares? I can't count how many pimples I have. I know I'm failing subjects. I know everyone thinks I'm weird. I know people says that I'm fake. I know I have a lot of haters. I know people are against my sexual orientation. And, I know how I'm not the first girl that would catch everybody's attention when I'm in a crowded room.

And the thing is, I know I'm beautiful, in my own ways. And I should start appreciating my strengths, and stop focusing on my flaws.

If he doesn't love you, for who you are, then the only thing you have to change, is the one in your heart. Don't change yourself. Change yourselves, because you want to improve yourself. It's stupid if you want to change for a guy.

I know I'm not perfect. But I'm not gonna change myself for the guy I love. I wanna improve myself, for me. And girls, I think you all should start to love yourself first, before venturing out , to loving others. Have confidence :) .

Whoever is out there reading this, I want you all to know that you're beautiful. :)

- Go ahead, talk about me behind my back. Saying that I'm acting all tumblr-ish. I don't care. Because, I've learnt a few things today. I'm more matured now :) And I pity you, if you have to resort to such unscrupulous ways of talking bad about such posts.