crushed.

when you try your best but you don't succeed... when you get what you want but not what you need....... could it be worst?


Recently, I went through a really hard time that I, myself, would've never thought I would go through such thing. It has always been my dream to act. I want to pursue in acting(of course there's psychology but that's a whole different issue) but recently.. syf.... it pains my heart everytime I have to think of it. I never used to have a problem with it but I guess... Now.... I guess I just have to remind myself not to be blinded by my ego...

This has affected me so much... Everytime I think of it, it kills me a little bit more. I am so hurt right now I don't even know if I have the moral courage to continue this blogpost.

I have been assured by so many people that I have the talent and the skill.. but how can I believe them when the truth is right before my eyes... I can't act. I want to act. I have been assured by certificates and commendations so many a time. But something as big as my last chance to perform....

I'm going to cry.

To you, out there reading this: You might think you're safe and all and you are better than everyone else... You're not. You can be overtaken someday. And even if you never are to be overtaken, don't be complacent. Because I have been there and I have done that....

What I thought I had... was never really mine.

compromising a hindrance

Do I expect too much of you? I feel like I do. Am I putting you high up on the pedestal? Because every time you never fail to make me feel disappointment.

I used to try to want to overcome that. Telling myself that it isn't a big hindrance. But who am I to kid? It is a big hindrance. I refuse to want to compromise. I am not going to compromise my feelings for your comfortability and comfort zone.

I refuse to make a fool of myself this time. I am a fool so many a time and need be, I would do whatever I had done all over again.

Maybe this was a mistake all over again and it just proves me even more reasons why I should not have even made such a silly mistake in the first place.

After all, I compromised so many things just for you.

new.

New year

New house

New life

New level

New friends

Same old me.

I miss my mother. 

Happynewyear.

Whatever you do on the first of January is what you will be doing for the rest of the year. 
Gosh. I slept til 4 woke up, then I ate then I went back to sleep at 5 til 8 and I went to eat again. 

I love You Lord. I'm going to make my 2013 count for You.


Happy new year guys!